Fudge you, pay me!

I've freelanced for a number of years.
Getting money from people can be a nightmare.
Here's the proof.

Fudge you, pay me! Introduction
The day to day experience of being your own boss (which is a a lie in itself, because when you’re self-employed – every client is your boss) tends to fluctuate between two states: The shit, and just shit.
Yeah, I just called the bank and my credit card company, and both said the same thing – they will accept your success as legal tender!
“I’ve been thinking – since our success is your success, should we really be paying for this?”
“I just bought a new bike, so I don’t know if I can pay for your work anymore”
“Say, why not sell the fudging bike and wire me the pennies I’m owed… please!?!?!”
That you’ve arbitrarily decided the work has greater worth forever locked away from the touch or stare of humankind, does not negate your responsibility in the context of this transaction.
“Yeah the work’s good, but I can’t/don’t plan on using it, so I can’t pay for it”